Paano kung isang araw mapadpad ka na lang isang blog na puro tungkol sayo ang laman?
For years, I used to read my point of view only. I don’t care what do you feel about what happened to us because I’m sure that at the end of the day, it’s me who fought for a losing battle. It’s me who lost you. It’s not you who lost me. You know I’m a mess but you still made me feel like I’m a treasure. And for that, I’ll be forever grateful. It’s not everyday that I can find a guy as strong as you are. It’s not everyday that I can find a guy who will wait for two years just to hear you say the magical “Yes.” (which never happened).
Now that I’m walking down through our memory lane, I bumped to those noticeable-enough-for-others-but-unnoticeable-for-me times where you did nothing but to make me realize how much you love me. And now it hurts as I look what a hard time I’ve given you. Those times where I’ve pushed you away but you always come back around again.Those times where all I did was emotionally slap you by the fact
(Yes, it is) that we will not be together, ever. Those times where I almost kick your heart out of your body. Those times, made me realize that it’s you who suffer defeat, not me. And now, one thing is for sure. It’s your point of view that I should’ve read, not mine. Because you don’t deserve a point of view if the only thing you see is you.
The usual. Can’t sleep. Good Morning.
Few days ago, I started to wonder what would my 18th Birthday be like? Now that things are getting complicated, all of my high hopes were erased. Instead of having a celebration, I would rather let my father get healed. He has a wound something in his mouth and he said, it’s getting worse. He said he has been going back and forth from the hospital. (At Saudi Arabia, he’s an OFW btw) I don’t know what’s going on because he’s being secretive lately but I wish things will be alright eventually. I’m not looking for an extravagant celebration anymore. A healthy body of my father will do. Nankurunaisa, Marikka. Nankurunaisa :)
She’s fcked up and she knows she’s a mess. After all the shit she had, she’s aware it’ll be really hard to find someone who’ll accept her. Someone who will see her imperfections, perfect. Someone who will see her as a beautiful mess. Someone who will see her as a spilled ink which made an art a wonderful one. Someone who won’t judge her and will see the good in her no matter what, for she believes that at some point, there’s something good in her. She just have to find that someone who will decode all her tangled thoughts, insecurities and low points into words. Someone who can explain what she really is. Someone who loved words, who loved to read. Because she’s a book full of folded and scratched pages; secondhand yet covered.
"If you’re looking for the word that means caring about someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want, no matter how much it destroys you, it’s love! And when you love someone, you just, you… you don’t stop, ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy. Even then. Especially then! You just— you don’t give up! Because if I could give up.. if I could just, you know, take the whole world’s advice and-and move on and fine someone else, that wouldn’t be love. That would be.. that would be some other disposable thing that is not worth fighting for. But I know that is not what this is."
Extreme love it is, Mosby. Indeed.
Exact scene where my tear ducts suddenly woke up. Seriously, after watching that legen.. wait for it.. dary episode, I was like: *grabs thousand rolls of tissue* *sniffs* *hugs myself* *cries endlessly* Hahaha! And now, my eyelids are just too heavy. Fahk. I’m gonna miss this series so so so so so much. How I wish I can find my Ted Mosby someday and I’ll be able to tell my children.. “And that’s how I met your father..”
And, hey! To those who are disappointed about the series finale, I want you to know guys that I really want to have a high five with your stupid face. Like, seriously?! I didn’t feel any disappointment at all. ( or maybe I was too caught up and I’m already crying) I’m contented and I love the ending. Isn’t it obvious? From the pilot episode to the last season? You know sometimes, it’s not about the ending. It’s about the story itself :)
Self-pity is now eating me alive. Cathartic poems, please. I need to subside these random shts on my mind.
I don’t know why but suddenly, I’m afraid my birthday will pass just like any ordinary day.
Marikka. Walking in a path called life for 17 years. Future Educator.. or Stenographer. (Huehue) From PUPLHSian to PUPian. Reader. Fallista. Bibliophile. Movie addict. Evasive. Impulsive. Ambivert. Jovial. Wanderlust. Nelipot. Pluviophile. 99% Frustrated, 1% Writer. Lover of Words. Riddle to be solve.Standing on the thin line between fiction and reality. Floating away into nothingness like in a dream, but it's a feeling of being totally free. A beautiful mess :)